It's scary, and I cant sleep so I decided to write. I hate to sacrifice, but hating doesnt simply mean  I wont do it. I do it now,did it yesterday and will do it tomorrow. But the question is, is it worth it? I dont know. Is it? This fear i have to face now, is it worth it? or the tears, or the pain and confusions. I dont know.. I sacrifice my selfishness, i can scream and get mad or simply just cry. But nope, I'm holding up my tears and suck everything up because everyone, once again make sacrifices, so is he, and so am I. But is it worth it? i dont know.. i swear, i dont know.

can you guess why my face expression looks like this?
a. i cant understang any single thing in my econs notes
b. my boyfriend is not replying my text and MIA.

Officialy missing my...long hair -___________-

Dear you,  LOL
Nope i'm sorry i cant be romantic.. hahahaha at this time right now, i'm still waiting for you to reply my message. I hate waiting you to reply my text you know.. I'm worry something bad happen to you >:(
I guess you went poo poo again? cos last time you told me got stomachache -.-
I'm studying econs right now, and i guess by the time you read this we suppose to finish our exam, and I probably alrd fly back to Bali with my mom and dad.
You know, the idea of going back home for me is not completely excited as what it used to make me feel. Knowing that someone, *ehem yes im referring to you* is actually hoping to see me again really really.. mixed my feelings up. The fact that we are seperated miles apart, and can only text terrifies me like shit, but i know we can work this out! :) 3weeks are...hm, short if you enjoy it. LOL I want you to enjoy your 3 weeks without seeing a girl who constantly texting you, and keep talking about how fat she is or how bad her dark circle is. The more you enjoy, the faster time will passes by, trust me. Have fun in your Nanjing trip with your idiots,  but dont you dare look at other girls. I will make sure mariadi keep eyes on you B)
I love you, really do. I really wish we could work this relationship out, cos as i told you from the beginning,  I cant afford myself losing someone as great as you. Live has never been the same since we are together, and I really really thankful for that. I'm really looking forward of my future with you.
Ah, u replied already, but now u go bath zzzz 

Much Love, min min.

:D

I love....

Dear cebski,

My dearest friend, Christine. Okay I know this sounds so not me but... okay, I am gonna miss you chris. I hope you don't leave, and stay here in Bali, so everytime I got back, I can always see you. But I know it's kinda impossible, that's why it saddens me.
Remember when I first text you? You were so cold, and you get me mad! oh well, you are suppose to be kind to a new friend,aren't you? At that time, I never knew we could become this close you know.
Talking about you,leaving, makes me realize that EVENTUALLY everyone will go. We will be miles apart, in different countries. yes you, Sherlie and Ching Ching,those who are the closest to me in school, those who I always see in every morning assembly, those who I always ate lunch with, we will be drifting apart.
I knew, this time will come, but I never thought it could be this quick.
Remember our Biology class with Jiyoung, Dasomm, Cindy and Yescynta? where there is no teacher and we used to laugh and having fun. Remember when we discuss about 'kandang sapi' near Cindy's house? Turns out, I was wrong and you are right. But I was too embarassed to tell you. heheheheheh Remember in ICT class I sat next to you? hahah it was so funny because every practical test I was always disturbed you to tell me how to do it, and I know it upsets you. Remember,you and Sherlie have this running competition on soccer field? hahahahahhaha oh! and remember when we skipped Biology class and got caught by a teacher we thought was Ms. Angie?
Memories... you know. These were only small part of my memories with you.
Some of them are good, some are bad, but they are great.
And dear christine, let me say thank you.
Thank you for being a great friend, thank you for being there when I need someone to talk to, thank you for always willingly help me, thank you for gave me these beautiful memories, thank you for all those 'rides', thank you chris, thank you so much.
But despite of how sad I am now, I will be happy for you. I know you, leaving, can make you one step closer to what you want to do in your life.
Please take care yourself for me. I don't wanna see you sick. Please eat and sleep well, I'm scared you will study too hard and won't eat. Please don't change, and still be you. A cold christine. Please?
You are such a great person, cebski. I wish nothing but the best for you.

I realized I don't thank God enough in my life.
I can count how many times I said 'thank you' in my prayer. All i do is keep asking for more and more and more and I'm really sorry for that.
I'm not thankful enough of what I have. Not realize how lucky I am to be me and not as any other person.
I kept looking for more. More friends, even though i have the best in the world. More money, even though I have more than enough to live a life. More love, even though I have a lot.
Well, It is wrong not to be thankful, right?
I think the more I'm not being thankful, the more I lose the meaning of life, which is simply... to be happy of what you already have.
I realized, I am trying my best to make new friends, too busy to hang out with all of them, and forget those who always there when I need them. Realized I always ask for more money from my dad, and forget how fortunate I am to receive it. And lastly, realized that I force myself too hard to look for more love, and forget how many people have showered my life with their love.
Being so avid by searching for more, make me forget of what I have, that's why, from now on I will try to look around me and be happy of what I already have.

Toodles ;)

Little Thought

Feeling like blogging tonight. It's been a while, isn't it?
During that interval,I've been thinking a lot about many things. About my life and people IN my life, and there comes a point where I started to realize something.
Well, in life, most people want something that don't belong to them, or chase someone who hurt them but in fact, there is always something and someone who is belong and won't hurt them. do you know what I'm trying to say here?
Yes, it is right to fight for something that we want, or to fight for someone that we love but sometimes we don't realize that something that we NEED is already there, or someone who loves us is already there, stood and waiting for us just to come by.
the point that I realized is, in life, we fought a lot, but sometime those fights do not lead us to something that we expect to have or to someone that we wish to be with, but they simply lead us to other thing, to other person that already there and love us.

Well I have been fighting for a long time. Being a tough fighter or even a cry baby, I've been doing it and I feel tired. Well maybe the person who, all this time, I've been fighting for is not the one I've been looking for and I should start to look around my life, and search for him. Search for the one that is waiting for me all this time.

What about you?